Apples to Apples
by Maxegirl1313
Summary: To Jim, apples are a sign of victory.  Tarus IV. Implied abuse.


**(Oh, goodness. I literally wrote this just now. I was reading about how their was a challenge about apples, obviously I can't enter it, but I wrote this thing anyway. I really, really, need a beta. Seriously. So if you see any mistakes please point them out to me. This was going to be longer, but I thought that was a good place to end it. I love and need constructive criticism. Enjoy.)**

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To Jim apples are a sign of victory. He eats them after wins, or when he knows he's going to win.

This tradition goes back for a while. He wishes it were just some quirk he picked up over the years- some strange habit that just formed.

But it's not. He can pinpoint the exact days, the exact years, and maybe not the minute, but definitely the hours that this came to be. So, while he wishes it was just one more unexplainable thing to add the collection of oddities that is Jim Kirk- it's not.

As a child Jim had never liked apples. They were red and bright or green and bright- but they were always bright, shiny and ever-new looking like Frank's beer bottles or George Kirk's car in the garage.

They were one of Sam's favorite foods. Which, when Jim thought about it, fit. Sam was bright and iridescent in his knowledge of everything- understanding things in a way a big brother always could and little brother never could.

But Jim never like them. He didn't hate them either. They weren't a little too sweet or a little too sour, a little too juicy and always too messy. They just were.

He almost never ate them, but one day, he happened upon one. Frank was passed out, and Sam was just plain out, neither quite in the mood to deal with Winona's return. Jim was alone and hungry as he waited for his mother, so he ate one.

Winonna arrived 3 minutes after the exact time she said she would, but Jim thought they felt like years. When she see's him she reaches out, eyes distant, to ask where Sam is and pat his head like she always does(she never hugs him, Sam tells him that it's 'cause he's not baby anymore, but when Jim tries to point out she still hugs Sam, he punches Jim in the arm hard enough to leave a bruise.)

That's when she sees the apple. Her whole body go rigid, and she turns sharply away. Jim's head is still angled up, waiting for the little contact he can get. She takes a couple of calming breaths and looks back down at him. This is new- usually when she does that she walks away and Jim won't see her for the rest of the day.

But this time is different. She looks straight at the apple in his hand and gives him a watery smile. "I didn't know you liked apples, Jimmy." Jim opens her mouth to tell her he doesn't- he was just hungry, but she doesn't give him the chance.

She gently grabs his thin shoulders and pulls him up against her. And this- this is new and strange and lovely. Jim can smell her perfume, and feel her breathing. There is a rush of emotions before he finally decides on triumph.

With his mother's arms wrapped tightly around him, Jim promises to eat apples every time she comes home.

But this- this is not when he starts using apples as his personal champagne. No, this was one small victory, and withing a month of his mother not-returning, he completely forgets the appeal of apples.

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When Jim is 12 he is sent to live on Tarus IV. At first it's a big improvement. Sam ran away and Frank was progressively more of an asshole, and it was time that damn car stopped being so shiny anyway.

So he goes to live with his Aunt on Tarus IV. Jim likes it- It's hard work but he flourishes under the pressure. His teacher's tell his aunt that he's a genius and his aunt doesn't get mad like Sam would or water-eyed like mom, she just smiles and says "Well, he sure thinks so." And Jim loves her for it.

It's great at first, but it didn't last. Jim has never been sheltered and his aunt was frank with him about the crops. But even she couldn't have predicted how suddenly they were all gone. It seemed like hours though it was more like days, maybe even weeks.

Suddenly there was chaos as Kodos- a man Jim had only briefly seen once, a life-time ago, announced that in order to keep some alive, some must die. Some people, so confident they were on the 'good' list, on the 'keep' list didn't even consider running. Some people ran with complete confidence, others with half-halfhearted guesses.

Jim's Aunt did neither, and a little of both. Sh quickly established a place for her and Jim to hide- it had some food. But she didn't shy away from the lists either. She stood proud and brave in the town square as Kodos in a big, booming voice announced whom he had deemed killable.

Eventually, her name was called. Jim's never was.

–

Jim quickly becomes the leader of a rag-tag bunch. He's always done better under pressure, and there is no greater pressure than the threat of death.

He had adults and boys bigger and meaner, and maybe ever smarter than him looking at him for permission, expecting him to make decisions.

So he does. He makes choices and decisions, some of them great some of them bad, but all of them his.

–

When they first formed, there was 27 of them. Now there was 22. Some of them had run off to fend for themselves. Some had been caught. But worst of all was the one who has withered away into nothing. When that had happened the kids all huddled around Jim and begged him not to let that happen to them.

Jim learned how to hunt, how to gather. His Aunt had been in process of explaining how to do these things to when she had been- culled.

Whenever he found a new plant, he was nibble it, and if he was still alive then 48 hours later, everyone could have some. Besides though incidents, he always ate last, which often-times meant he never ate all.

–

When Jim is exhausted and bone-tired and unsure if he can keep himself alive, much less the multitude of kids that expect him to keep them alive too, he finds himself craving an apple. And when Emma, a girl no older then 6 tugs on his sleeve and begs for food- he see's her shirt was once bright red. She's like a faded apple, too bruised and dirty to eat.

He shoves himself up and goes to find her food.

–

When StarFleet finally comes Jim is barely functioning anymore. They come and all of the kids crowd behind Jim and he no longer has the strength to push them behind him like he might have once had.

"It's OK," Says a woman in uniform, staring at them with emotion in her eyes. 3 Men come up behind her and they all hold out their hand in the universal 'we come in peace' gesture. Eventually Jim takes a staggering step forward, to do something, to do _anything _and the officer's take it as permission, and Jim had might as well been unconscious. All he could do was mutter 'Shhh, it's okay,' to all of the scared children, and hope that this was right, that these people were here to help, not harm.

When he wakes up, he is in a crowded med bay. There is noise and healthy-looking people and all Jim can do is stare.

–

When Jim is cleared to eat solids, he asks for an apple. The doctor shrugs and gives him a nice red one. Jim stares and stares for nearly an hour before he finally reaches out and grasps the red fruit. The skin is a little shiny than he remembers, but still so much brighter than he thinks he can handle.

Jim slowly lifts the fruit to his mouth and takes a small, tentative bite. The taste explodes across his mouth, flavor and juices and _life_ dancing across his tongue.

He looks around the med-bay bustling with life, the apple tastes of victory and accomplishment and celebration, and Jim eats the entire thing, tears running down his cheeks.

* * *

When Jim knows he's finally going to beat the Kobiyashi Maru- it's a moment of bittersweet understanding, and it's a moment of victory, and a moment of his father living. He brought an apple. Not because the apple needed the moment, but because a moment like that?

Definitely calls for an apple.


End file.
